Author takes time to deal with crises and opportunities

Australian lawyer Kate Christie quit her job in her mid-40s, after having three babies in three-and-a-half years and finding it very hard to be a professional woman and a mother at the same time.

"It was the wrong decision," the former corporate lawyer and now best-selling author told Shanghai Daily during her first trip to China.

"I was always a very organized person, but after that, I became very determined to learn more about time management, so that firstly I can have a job and children. And more importantly, I can make sure no other woman, or man, ever felt that they have to choose between work and family because they don't have enough time."

She went on to start her own business, became a time management expert, wrote five books while managing a family and for the past six years has been a single mom.

"The Life List: Master Every Moment and Live an Audacious Life" was published in Chinese last year, thanks to translator Gan Bin. The book changed her life so much that Gan, founder of a woman's leadership project in China, was determined to secure a publishing deal and make sure it was available in Chinese.

"I was told it was a book for women aged 50 when it was recommended to me at first," she wrote in the preface of the Chinese edition.

"Fifty years old is a milestone in life, with turns between crises and opportunities. But this book goes far beyond that, and should be read by women of all ages."

Shanghai Daily talked to Christie just before International Women's Day to learn the story behind her crises and opportunities, and the secret to time management.

Q: You mentioned how you wanted to learn more about time management after you felt it was impossible to balance work and family. Do women have more challenges when it comes to time management?

A: In my own lived experience. Absolutely.

Women definitely take on more responsibility of looking after the children. A lot of women also want to have a career.

There's a lot of pressure on us from employers, from family and from ourselves, about this duality of role that we have to perform. I do think on the whole women carry a higher load than men in that regard.

Some men look after children. Some sacrifice their careers.

In my experience, it's mainly women who have done that. So we do have bigger challenges when it comes to time management.

Q: Was there a turning point when you started feeling that you could do both?

A: I've been brought up being told that "you can have it all."

"You can have the kids, the job, have it all."

What I realized is that I didn't actually need it all, and I didn't want it all. I needed to work out which bits I wanted, and just focus on those.

So when I got to a point when I just focused on my kids, my business and my health, excluding everything else, then I could do it all – all being the three things I cared most about – my kids, my business and my health.

What does "all" mean? It's just what's most important to you, not what's most important to your mom, or your dad, or your family, or your employer or the society's view. Once you can understand that, then you do actually have time for the bits you want.

Q: Is there a limit to how many things to be included in that "all"? For you, it's three …

A: When it comes to what's most important to you, there are three questions you should ask yourself and write down the answers.

When I'm with my best friends, what do I love talking about?

If I'm really sick, what would I get out of bed for?

If I think about the person I most respect in my life, if that person was to compliment me, what do I want them to say about me?

Then you write down a list of answers for each question. When you go through these answers, anything that comes up three times gives you a good idea of what you most value.

For me, it's three, but there is no limit. It could be 10 things or two things. It's just about understanding what do I most value so I know where I should invest my time.

Time doesn't need to be managed, but rather it needs to be invested. It's a precious resource, like your money. Where should I invest it to get the greatest return. That's how I like you to think about time.

Q: How does a time management expert spend a typical day?

A: That goes back to those three things I most value.

In the morning, I go swimming with my sisters in the ocean, and go for a walk – that's looking after my health.

Then I work very hard for half a day, and make sure I'm free in the afternoons in case my kids want to see me. I also go and see my dad every afternoon and have a walk with him. And I go to my partners' house.

So you can see where I devote my time – my family, my business and my health.

Q: This is your first trip to China, and you have been going to different Chinese cities and meeting many Chinese women, what's the feedback and questions you get from them?

A: Surprisingly, I have had a couple of questions about dating, around how you find the right person to marry, which isn't my area of expertise. I talked about alignment of values in that aspect.

I've had some fantastic questions about the choices I made, how I manage to juggle between my professional life with being a mom. I've got lots of questions from young women about motherhood, and I really enjoy those discussions.

Q: You said your decision to resign was a mistake, when did you realize that? And in retrospect, what would you have changed?

A: I didn't realize that immediately. It was a few months later. I started to miss work, to miss what made me feel important and confident, and the friendships. But I didn't want to go back into that environment where I had to work all the time.

That's when I thought I want to do time differently now.

Looking back, I wouldn't have changed too much because it's all part of a journey, but one thing I would have changed is to insist on my partner helping me more with the children. I would have insisted on more equality when it came to parenting.

Q: Why didn't you?

A: The main reason was that I thought I could do it better. I put that burden on myself. He could have taken the kids to the doctors, gone and talked to the teacher, but I wanted to do it.

Looking back, I would have recognized I couldn't do it all. I should have given up a little bit more. And also, he didn't offer, and because of that, I didn't think he would be very good at it.

So It's both sides.

People who want to have children should be having those discussions and negotiating those outcomes, to have a marital social contract before having children, to talk about the division of labor within the marriage.

Q: If I want to manage my time better, what is the first thing I should do straight away?

A: The first thing is to stop thinking about time management, and start thinking about time investment.

Think to yourself, between task A and task B, which one is going to give you the greatest return? Start thinking about your time in that way.